I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
