Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
