You really coming over, don't trick.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
