I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
