I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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