Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
