Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
