i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
