I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
