she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
