therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
