Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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