Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize