Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I understand Curling. That high.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
