YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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