just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
