That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize