Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Drunk is not a location!
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
