it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
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