Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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