Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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