Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
