Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
That accounts for only three of the penises
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
