Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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