So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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