new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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