Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
