I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize