would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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