he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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