Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize