Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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