and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Randomize
