I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
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