Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
