As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
