haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
