So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
this hospital has no fireball
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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