also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
