please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Randomize
