I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
fuck your aforementioned shoe
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize