check it out our google latitudes are spooning
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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