32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
