We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
