Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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