please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
