there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
