Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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