Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
