this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
