The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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