big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
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