I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
