**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Quick, to the slutcave!
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
