You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
