At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
