using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
