i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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