then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
