So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
