Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
