Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
