Kareoke will never be a sober sport
no, he came in my armpit
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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