She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
