Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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