You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
