My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
