go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
