She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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