help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
