You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
