why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
