When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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