i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
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