So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
