I think I can smell my own vagina right now
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
