How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
