So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
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