I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
