She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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