i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
