Having a random hookup so left but love u
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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