Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
