oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
