I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize