i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
