Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
