btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
The feeling are messing with the penis
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
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