he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize