Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize