i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
